No Good Story Begins with “When I Was Eating a Salad”

You know what is so crazy about marketing? That those talented individuals make you actually feel a certain way about something you might have not cared about but now feel like you can’t live without it. I applaud those individuals and the assistance of Snapchat animal filters, Instagram’s Valencia filter and impeccable natural sunlight from Mr. Sun himself. Life is all about how you are perceived even in the worst of light or if your wing eyeliner is uneven you’re still being constantly judged by appearance. I didn’t listen to many lessons my parents taught me because well I thought I knew more than them at a young age but I really connected with you can’t judge a book by its cover.

You truly never know who a person is unless you take that time to engage in casual conversation and come to a common understanding among each other. Celebrities have mastered marketing tactics that spread rumors or portray themselves in some sorta view and then twist their story to make you eager to know more. That’s why the Kardashians are America’s dirty little obsession because of their drama-filled lives but do you honestly think their show is not scripted? Taking a page out of their headlines, I indulge myself in the obscene amount of rumors that are spread. Apparently I fucked the entire football team in high school which wow I’m still curious if it was a gang bang or how everyone took turns if they drew a number from a helmet, but that’s roughly 28 to 35 guys sounds like something out of the Snuff book.  For the individuals who never took the opportunity to know who I was, I guess that seemed obtainable and realistic but for those close friends that knew me. Knew I didn’t really have time to get myself into too much trouble or even entertain that many individuals without needing a water break and snack.

I took that lesson in high school and just ran with it and still am. This blog is something that is real, raw, and funny but you are only seeing what I want you to see or think or feel. I’m painting an explicit person to go along with the stories I tell but you’re the deciding factor on your own thoughts and feelings about her. I’m unpoetic to the life I live and if you are satisfied listening to hear say or rumors and that’s what you believe, then you are missing out on a remarkable woman who you completely judged by the words, images, and self-portrait I tend to present. Why not take that extra step see her outside of the lines that are written or broadcasted on social media? There is more to the eye than a 500-word page of reflection on a situation but hey I hear word-of-mouth is the best way to spread Christmas cheer.

Brushing off all the dirt on my name, I’m not gonna call you out but I know the truth about myself and your two cents isn’t footing the bill even collectively with the amount of words spread about my repetition and to be cautious of me.  You should probably, most definitely take their advice because I’ll chew you up and spit you out since that’s what maneaters do and apparently whatever is said or even on the internet must be true then you gotta go with it. What perfect way to get to know someone than through the words of her friends rather than going out to lunch for some meat lovers pizza on a Wednesday but ultimately to cancel an hour before and saying “it’s probably not a good idea and we should get to know each other instead of getting everyone else involved”. Isn’t that what dates are for? Aren’t they generally known for getting to know someone? I mean I could be wrong but I think that’s what the internet told me.

Let’s raise a hand and commit to getting know people rather than chit-chat behind backs and ruin potential opportunities or connections. You truly aren’t aware of the magnitude of someone’s character if you only see them through the filters that we all noticeably display to protect ourselves. These days we aren’t defined by our actions but merely noticed by our flaws and presentation. I sure look yummy but I guess I leave a bad taste in your mouth.


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